Nurturing Ourselves: The Importance of a Regular Self-Compassion Practice for Parents

Embracing Our Imperfections and Cultivating Emotional Resilience

Dear Courageous Parents,
One thing I know for sure - parenting is the ultimate and/both. It’s both a joyously rewarding journey AND comes with its fair share of challenges and hardships. Sometimes we find ourselves pouring our hearts and souls into nurturing our children, often forgetting to nurture ourselves in the process.

And while we’ve long touted “selflessness” in motherhood as virtuous, it's long overdue that we start recognizing the importance of nurturing OURSELVES, and see it as vital to continue to support our children the way we desire to. One way to access this self-nurturing is to commit to cultivating a regular self-compassion practice. Importantly, self-compassion is not self-serving; it is a potent tool that enables us to show kindness, warmth, and understanding towards ourselves. By fostering self-compassion, we create a safe haven within ourselves, allowing us to navigate the unpredictable waters of parenting with mindfulness, empathy, and resilience.

Not only this, but the truth is that the only sustainable way to make changes in our lives and in our parenting is through being self-compassionate. Why is that, you ask? Because part of making change entails holding the truth that we have caused/are causing pain, or that we are acting in ways that don’t align with our values. The only way to keep us from going into a shame spiral (and therefore being unable to act because we are frozen in shame), is through being compassionate toward ourselves.

So, keep reading if you want to explore how to establish a regular self-compassion practice:

1. Acknowledge Your Challenges
Parenting is a continual learning experience, and it's normal to encounter difficulties along the way. Instead of berating ourselves for perceived shortcomings or comparing ourselves to others, let us acknowledge and accept our challenges with kindness. Remember, each child is unique, and every parent's journey is different.
2. Embrace Imperfection
Perfection is an elusive and unattainable goal. Embracing imperfection is not a sign of failure but a declaration of self-acceptance. Let us dissolve unrealistic expectations and replace them with the understanding that we are doing our best with the knowledge and resources we have at any given moment. It's okay to make mistakes; they are opportunities for growth and learning for both ourselves and our children. Think about our children - don’t we want them growing up knowing that making mistakes is okay, and that striving for perfection is neither sustainable nor healthy? How will they learn this? By seeing it modeled to them:).
3. Practice Mindful Self-Reflection
In the chaos of parenting, it's easy to lose touch with our own needs and desires. Practicing mindful self-reflection enables us to deepen our understanding of ourselves and cultivate self-compassion. Allocate a few minutes each day to sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, and inquire within. What do you need right now? How can you meet that need with kindness? By honoring our emotions and experiences, we can nurture our well-being and model emotional resilience for our children. I do this by setting an alarm on my phone for a time I am generally able to pause, and the alarm says “How you feeling? What do you need?” It’s a great way to get into the practice of checking in with myself.
4. Develop Self-Care Rituals
Self-compassion extends beyond inner dialogue; it encompasses taking concrete actions to care for ourselves. Identify activities that replenish your energy and bring you joy. Importantly, self-care is not always about taking a bath (thought if this is you, take that bath!). It’s also about doing things that “tomorrow you” will thank you for. Is there a task you’ve been procrastinating? An appointment you know you need to schedule? Sometimes doing the hard thing is also an act of self-care, because you know you are solving an issue at the root, rather than hoping the bath will make you feel better. Either way, consciously incorporating self-care rituals into your routine, even simple ones, helps remind us that self-care is not a luxury; it is an essential investment in your well-being.
5. Connect with Supportive Communities
Navigating the roller coaster of parenting can feel overwhelming when we're alone. Seek out supportive, HONEST communities, whether online or in person, where you can find solace, share experiences, and glean insights from others who empathize with the joys and challenges of parenthood. Surround yourself with people who embrace and celebrate imperfections, fostering an environment where self-compassion thrives. This is one of the biggest reasons I started Courageous Parents, to create spaces that feel supportive, non-judgmental, and where parents can share honestly about all the ups and downs of parenting.
6. Prioritize Rest and Restoration
Parenting can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Restorative practices, such as adequate sleep, regular exercise, and nourishing food, are essential to maintaining our well-being. By valuing rest and ensuring that our own cups are filled, we can show up as our best selves for our children. This goes back to the idea of selfishness. Here’s what I often think - how are my children learning what parenting looks like? By watching me. If all they see if me completely burned out, overwhelmed, and cranky, they will come to learn that this is what they can expect. And I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to get grandbabies! (Of course, IF my children WANT to become parents:). But in all seriousness, I don’t want ANY of my children believing they have to sacrifice every last bit of themselves if they want to become a parent. So, I have to be committed to not falling into that either.
7. Practice Self-Compassion in the Moment
When facing the inevitable moments of overwhelm or frustration, pause, and practice self-compassion in real-time. First, bring awareness to the moment. Breathing in, you can say to yourself, “This situation/time/etc. feels hard because it IS hard.” Then tap into the sense of common humanity. “I am not alone. Good parents also struggle with _______.” Then, treat yourself with the same kindness you would extend to your 5 - year old self, or your best friend, or whomever is the person you love most in the world. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel tired, overwhelmed, or unsure. Offer yourself words of encouragement and validation, just as you would to your child. And then, most importantly, take action to get those needs met so you can reduce the likelihood and frequency of getting to this place at all.

Remember, we are not striving for perfection; we are fostering an environment of self-compassion that elevates our well-being as parents. By embracing imperfection, acknowledging our challenges, and committing to regular self-compassion practices, we create a solid foundation upon which our children can learn and grow.

Let us embark on this journey of self-compassion together. Let us come to realize that by nurturing ourselves, we become better equipped to nurture our children and inspire them to embrace self-compassion in their own lives. You are worthy of kindness, patience, and love - always.

With love,