I had to ask for a line… and almost missed the whole lesson.

Many of you know I gave a TEDx talk earlier this month. The topic: how we don’t need to use punishments to discipline. The dress rehearsal went off without a hitch. My practice talk was perfect.

But the night of the show, it was not. Twice I had to ask for a line to be fed to me.

Now, we were all reassured multiple times beforehand that it happens at every level of the stage with TED. That it’s NORMAL to lose our place, to blank out.

But I was determined not to need that, having practiced it dozens and dozens of times... in front of group after group, in front of windows, mirrors, on random stages, recording myself, and to anyone who’d listen. I’d have it memorized without question. And I did.

And then… I didn’t. I lost my place while I spoke that evening. So I asked for the line, and then again, before getting into the groove and rounding out the talk with a strong finish.

At first I felt disappointed. And then frustrated.. who or what can I “blame” for messing up? The size of the audience and who was in it? The lighting that was different from the night before? Or how about blaming myself for any number of reasons??

Then I moved into bypassing… “it’s fine Chrissy.. they’ll cut out those little blips in the recording and no one will even know.” But honestly that didn’t sit right with me either. Staring at my emotion wheel was useless. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then came an email from a friend and colleague. She shared about her favorite part: “I liked that you asked for a line because it was a nice validation on how it’s okay to make ‘mistakes’ as young people and adults!…We don’t need to ruminate on the negative things or be scary… with punishments”.

And then it hit me. I was using the very approach of punishing that I was advocating against, by not letting myself celebrate, or feel proud or accomplished.

Fortunately for me, my talk included the very steps I could take to move past punishing myself.

Can’t wait to share it with you all! And just know that while the parts where I ask for a line are cut out, it wasn’t perfect, and I also didn’t need to punish myself for that.